You may understand exactly why you feel anxious—and still find that understanding hasn’t changed how you feel.
You may understand why it is so difficult to say no or risk disappointing someone. You may recognize where your perfectionism came from or how a difficult relationship affected your ability to trust. You may know that your boss’s criticism does not determine your worth. You may even understand exactly why a particular situation triggers such a strong reaction.
And yet, knowing doesn’t always change what happens inside you.
Your heart still races. Your mind still replays the conversation. You still question yourself. You still feel guilty when you say no. You still become overwhelmed, reactive, or shut down in situations you logically know you should be able to handle.
That can be especially frustrating for people who are insightful, capable, and accustomed to solving problems.
If I understand why this is happening, why can’t I just change it?
Sometimes the answer is that understanding is important—but understanding alone may not reach everything that is contributing to the response.
When Your Mind Knows One Thing but You Feel Something Else
There can be a frustrating difference between what you know and what you actually experience.
You may know:
I am competent.
But one critical comment leaves you questioning yourself for the rest of the day.
You may know:
I am allowed to say no.
But setting a reasonable boundary leaves you feeling guilty and anxious.
You may know:
I cannot control what everyone thinks about me.
But someone’s disappointment still feels intensely uncomfortable.
You may know:
My current relationship is different from relationships that hurt me in the past.
But conflict or emotional distance can still trigger fear, insecurity, or the urge to withdraw.
You may know:
W.hat happened is over.
But a reminder can still produce an emotional or physical response that feels as though some part of you hasn’t received that message.
This doesn’t mean your insight has failed. It may mean there is more to address than the conscious thought.
Why Doesn’t Insight Always Change the Reaction?
Our present responses are influenced by more than what we consciously think.
Past experiences can become connected with emotions, physical sensations, expectations, and beliefs about ourselves and other people. Those connections can continue to influence how we respond long after the original experience is over.
Sometimes the underlying beliefs are fairly easy to recognize:
I’m not good enough.
I can’t trust anyone.
My needs don’t matter.
I have to keep everyone happy.
I’m responsible for everything.
If I make a mistake, something bad will happen.
Other times, you may not consciously think these things at all. In fact, you may strongly disagree with them.
Yet the pattern can still show up in your anxiety, relationships, boundaries, self-doubt, or reactions to stressful situations.
This is one reason you can understand something intellectually without consistently feeling or responding from what you know.
Where Somatic EMDR May Help
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a structured form of psychotherapy that is most known for its use of bilateral stimulation—one of the eight phases of EMDR. Bilateral stimulation (BLS) uses alternating eye movements, taps, or sounds while working with a difficult or painful experience. It is thought to support the brain’s natural information-processing system, helping distressing material connect with more adaptive information and become less emotionally charged.
EMDR has its strongest research support as a treatment for PTSD. However, you do not have to have a PTSD diagnosis—or even think of yourself as someone who has experienced “trauma”—to discuss with a therapist whether EMDR might be appropriate for what you are experiencing.
In my practice, I use a Somatic EMDR approach. “Soma” refers to the living body as it is experienced from within. A somatic approach pays attention not only to what you think and feel, but also to what you notice and experience in your body. Traditional EMDR already recognizes the connections among memories, beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations. In Somatic EMDR, I place additional emphasis on body awareness, nervous-system responses, regulation, preparation, and pacing.
This can be particularly important because your body may react to something before your logical mind has had an opportunity to evaluate what is happening.
You may already know, I’m okay. I can handle this.
But your nervous system may be responding as though something more threatening is happening.
Somatic EMDR offers a way to work with both.
But Nothing Terrible Happened to Me.
Not every pattern begins with one catastrophic event.
Sometimes it develops through repeated experiences over time.
Perhaps you grew up around criticism or unpredictability. Maybe achievement became connected with approval. You learned to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or take care of everyone else. You became “the responsible one.” You experienced rejection at an important point in your life. A relationship taught you that closeness was not always safe. Or years of putting other people’s needs ahead of your own gradually shaped what you expect from yourself.
Experiences in adulthood can have a similar impact. Betrayal, a painful relationship, an intensely stressful period, humiliation, rejection, or another difficult experience may affect how you respond to situations now.
You don’t have to decide whether any of this “counts” as trauma.
A more useful question may be:
Is something I experienced in the past continuing to have more influence over my present than I want it to have?
What If My Life Really Is Stressful?
Sometimes anxiety isn’t mysterious at all.
Your life may genuinely be demanding.
Your career may involve significant responsibility. Your family may need you. Your marriage may be struggling. You may be navigating a major transition, financial pressure, caregiving responsibilities, health concerns, or an uncertain future.
Somatic EMDR is not designed to convince you that real problems aren’t real.
And it cannot remove the demands of your life.
But current stress can sometimes activate older patterns and beliefs that make an already difficult situation even harder.
A demanding boss may genuinely be difficult and criticism may affect you more intensely because of earlier experiences.
You may genuinely have a great deal of responsibility and feel responsible for things that actually belong to other people.
A relationship may genuinely need attention and fear of rejection may make it harder to have the conversation that needs to happen.
You may need to perform at a high level without every mistake becoming evidence that you aren’t good enough.
The goal isn’t to become indifferent to your circumstances.
It is to have greater freedom in how you respond to them.
What Might Change Look Like?
The goal of Somatic EMDR is not simply to help you feel more relaxed.
Meaningful change may look more like this:
You receive criticism and can consider whether it is useful without allowing it to define you.
You set a reasonable boundary and tolerate someone else’s disappointment without spending the next two days questioning yourself.
You have a difficult conversation and remain present rather than becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.
You recognize that something has triggered an old fear without automatically responding as though the old situation is happening again.
You make a mistake, correct it, and move forward.
You trust your judgment more readily.
You have greater capacity to enjoy what is good in your life instead of constantly anticipating what might go wrong.
The circumstances may not always change.
But you may be able to show up differently within them.
Somatic EMDR Is Not the Right Treatment for Everyone
Feeling anxious or overwhelmed does not automatically mean that Somatic EMDR is the right treatment.
Before beginning EMDR, we consider what you are experiencing, your history, current circumstances, goals, and your ability to remain present and manage emotional distress during and between sessions.
Preparation matters. Some clients benefit from strengthening nervous-system regulation before beginning EMDR processing. For others, a different therapeutic approach may be more appropriate.
My approach is integrative and may also include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, attachment-based therapy, nervous-system regulation, and other somatic and neuroscience-informed approaches.
The goal is not to fit you into a particular treatment.
It is to determine what approach is most likely to help you make the changes you want to make.
What If Faith Is Important to Me?
For some people, the difference between what they know and what they feel has a spiritual dimension as well.
You may believe that you are loved by God and still struggle with shame or feelings of inadequacy.
You may believe that you can trust God while still feeling driven by fear or a need to control what happens next.
You may understand grace intellectually while finding it very difficult to extend grace to yourself.
When requested, Christian faith can be an important part of Somatic EMDR and the broader counseling process. Biblical truth can be applied to the experiences and beliefs being addressed, and Scripture and prayer may also be incorporated when helpful and desired.
I spent 17 years serving as a therapist in the Counseling Ministry at Southeast Christian Church. That experience continues to inform my work with clients who want their Christian faith to be a meaningful part of professional counseling.
Christian counseling is always optional. Clients who prefer counseling without explicit faith integration are equally welcome. Your individual values and beliefs will be respected, whether or not you choose to incorporate faith into counseling.
Somatic EMDR Through Telehealth in Kentucky, Indiana, and Florida
If you are interested in Somatic EMDR, you do not necessarily have to find a therapist near your home.
I provide secure Telehealth counseling for adults who are physically located in **Kentucky, Indiana, or Florida** at the time of their appointment.
I also provide in-person counseling in Louisville, Kentucky, and limited in-person counseling in the Lakewood Ranch/Bradenton area of Florida.
Telehealth can be especially helpful for professionals and other busy adults because it eliminates additional driving and waiting time. It also allows you to choose a therapist based on experience, approach, and fit rather than simply choosing someone because their office happens to be nearby.
If you already understand why you feel or respond a certain way, that insight is valuable.
You don’t need to start over.
The next question may be:
What is keeping this response in place, and what would need to change for me to respond differently?
Somatic EMDR may be one way of addressing experiences, beliefs, emotional responses, and nervous-system patterns that continue to influence your life even when you understand them intellectually.
With more than 30 years of clinical experience, I take an individualized approach to counseling rather than assuming that one method is right for every client.
You don’t have to determine whether Somatic EMDR is right for you before reaching out.
Learn more about Somatic EMDR for Adults, or schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation to discuss what you are experiencing and whether working together may be a good fit.